"This sword is SUPER magical!"
"What's it do?"
"I have no damn idea."
@LeviKornelsen I read that whole chart and thought "this is very like Earthdawn" and completely failed to see the "adapted from Earthdawn" bit which is some weird form of word-blindness right there.
Earthdawn artifacts will always for be be epitomised by the Butterspider Box, because it was just "Not D&D"